


He Will Be Loved

by dannihowell (iguessicantry)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Childhood Sexual Abuse, Domestic Violence, Gay Bashing, HIV/AIDS, Homophobia, M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2016-04-03
Packaged: 2018-05-30 21:41:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6441946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iguessicantry/pseuds/dannihowell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dr. Phil Lester develops an unlikely relationship with a patient.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He Will Be Loved

Phil was hoping for a quiet night at A & E. As a small town hospital, these nights were actually plausible. Hardly anyone came in with more than a women in labor or a case with a broken bone.

Dr. Lester was on call when a young man came in bloodied and unresponsive. Phil sprang into action to get his patient stable. Once the machines held steady pulses and beeps, Phil left the young man to the care of the head nurse while he tried to figure out how this happened. The injuries appeared to be the result of a beating, not an accident.

“Are you the doctor?” a man, not much older than his patient, asked.

“Yes. You are?”

“Adam, his brother. Is Dan going to be okay?”

“I believe so. His vitals are stable and the bleeding seems to have stopped. What happened to him?”

Adam let out a deep breath, looked towards the room were Dan slept and said, “His boyfriend, Tony. He happened.”

“Did he…?”

Adam fidgeted and struggled to stay calm. “I’m going to kill him. I knew there was something wrong with him the moment I met him. There was just something about the way he held on to Dan, like he owned him.”

Before Phil could react, a phone went off and Adam was on the line with their mother which Phil guessed because he kept saying, ‘Mum.’

“It was Tony, Mum! He beats Dan! I found Dan… Yeah… Great… I’ll see you guys in a few.”

Phil stood there patiently with the chart, waiting for Adam to tell him more so he could file a report if necessary.

“Adam? Can you tell me more?”

“Yeah,” Adam nodded. “My brother’s been seeing this guy for about three years now and they live together. He’s kept Dan under lock and key since then. I called today to see if Dan was okay. While we’re talking, I heard a loud bang and then yelling. Then, I heard Dan cry out. The phone cut off. I rushed over and found him, knocked out. Oh, god… Dan looked so weak and…” Adam broke off as he started crying.

Phil tried his best to comfort the man by patting his back and allowing him to a take a seat. A nurse came by with tissues. “I’m calling the police. Can I have Tony’s last name?”

“Ellis. That bastard nearly killed my brother.”

——

 “You’re awake.” Phil smiled at the young man. The boy groggily nodded and looked up at him.

“Why am I here?” he asked confused. His hands felt the crisp white sheets and knew there were not his own.

Phil pulled up a chair so that he didn’t appear to be speaking down to Dan. This way they could have a conversation as if they were equals. Phil felt that he bedside manner was one of his strongest skills.

“Your brother, Adam found you at home. You were bleeding and unresponsive. You appeared to have been beaten. Do you remember anything about last night?”

Dan nodded slowly, his hair rustling against the pillow. “It’s my fault. I was on the phone and I forgot to finish the washing. Tony doesn’t like that.”

“Tony, your boyfriend?”

“No…” Dan said then smiled. “My fiancé.”

“You’re telling me that Tony did this to you?” Phil asked gently.

“He had to… or else I wouldn’t learn. He can’t control his temper sometimes.”

“Okay,” Phil relented with a sigh. “The police will be here to get your statement. Your family is pressing charges. Adam is making sure of it, Dan.”

“Pressing charges for what?” Dan asked, sitting up in bed much too quickly. “He didn’t do anything wrong!”

“Please calm down. You’ll wake the other patients.”

“I want Tony! Where is he?”

“They’re still looking for him.”

Dan looked disappointed, staring down at the sheets with a pout. “He isn’t here?”

“No. He’s on the run. Dan, he’s the reason why you’re in hospital. You have bruises all over your body. He almost gave you a concussion. If Adam hadn’t found you…”

“Tony would have taken care of me,” Dan said absolutely. “He’s not here because of Adam. He knows Adam doesn’t like him.”

“Why is that?”

“Because Adam thinks he’s my father and can control me. He needs to learn that he can’t.”

“But Tony can?”

Dan looked up Phil with a look of disdain, eyebrows pointed downward, eyes glaring. “He loves me. Get out.”

Phil didn’t know what to say so he stood up, put the chair back in the corner and left. He thought about Dan when his shift ended later that morning. He had never seen anything like this. Of course, he’d heard stories of abusive partners and watched televisions shows that featured the subject. But, the victim is hardly ever followed into post recovery. What happens after the abuser has left or has been captured. Will Dan ever accept what Tony had done? Would he ever stop blaming himself? Would he ever forgive his family for seeking help? These were all questions Phil asked himself as he settled into bed and closed his eyes.

——

Two days later when Phil was back on duty, he went straight to the second floor to check on his last patient. Looking in room 215B, Phil saw the bed was empty, the orderly cleaning up the room.

“He’s gone,” a nurse said as Phil pushed his way through to Dan’s empty bed.

“What? Where?”

“He said he was strong enough to go down to the canteen, said he wanted something chocolate. He never came back. We’ve searched all over.”

“Have you called the police?”

“Yes. The hospital surveillance shows him leaving with a man. He seemed to know him. He was happy to go, they said.”

“It’s his fiancé,” Phil nodded. “Shit! He’s going to kill him.”

Frustrated, Phil walked off to the on-call room to calm himself down. He wasn’t one for smoking or exercising to relieve stress like some of the other doctors. Phil just need five minutes to himself. Unfortunately, the sight of Dan’s frail body shaking while he spoke would not leave Phil’s brain. He kept thinking of the young man with the fallow cheeks and how he blamed himself for his injuries.

And how he cried for his abuser.

—     Five Years Later –-

Phil took the cup of coffee a nurse had offered him and sat down with a chart. His newest patient was suffering from hemorrhaging, a concussion and heavy external bleeding. There had been a car crash on the outskirts of town. The driver wasn’t paying attention, the car skidded on the wet road and slammed right into a tree. The passenger was lucky because right now he was lying in a hospital bed. The driver wasn’t.

“Who do we have here?”

“Dan Howell was in this morning’s crash.”

“That name… He was here before!” Phil exclaimed. The nurse, a girl named Jo, shrugged. She had only been working at that hospital for three weeks. Phil rushed to the bed to see if he was right.

There, lying in nearly the same position, was Dan… only five years older. He looked even worse. His head was bandaged from the laceration he received in the crash. Dan somehow looked skinnier. With the tubes and wires crisscrossing his body, Dan looked utterly helpless.

For some reason, Phil felt guilty.

“Dr. Lester, I’ve contacted the next of kin.”

“Okay. Do we know who was driving?”

“His husband, a man named Tony Ellis.”

A flare of anger arose in Phil. “I can’t believe this… Let me know what he wakes up.”

“Yes, doctor.”

——-

Dan woke up three days later, asking for Tony. Phil was the first at his bedside along with Adam and their mother, Angela. The three of them tried to calm him down best they could but it wasn’t helping. Dan kept calling out for him.

“Tony is gone,” Phil said gently, knowing Dan’s feelings towards him. “He died, Dan. Do you remember the crash?”

Dan shook his head no as the tears made their way down his cheeks.

“Okay—,”

“It was raining, I think.” Dan managed to get out, voice croaking. “And he was angry, yelling and shouting… He grabbed me and…”

“What happened next, love?” Angela asked him, taking Dan’s hand in her own and kissing the skin on the back.

“He said he was going to kill me. He started driving faster. I begged him to slow down.” Dan closed his eyes as if trying to block out the memory.

Angela kissed his temple while Adam seething at the foot of the bed. Phil remained silent.

“Where have you been all this time?” Angela finally asked what they all wanted to know.

“Scotland and Northern Ireland. We moved around a lot. Never in one place for more than a few months.”

“Why didn’t you call us, Dan? We were so worried about you.”

Dan turned away to avoid her judging eyes. “I know what you’re thinking,” Dan said. “He’s too weak to take care of himself. He might as well be a baby. Well, I was doing fine without you. I am stronger than I look. Tony and I made a happy home. At least, I tried to.”

“Dan, we aren’t thinking that. We just wanted to see you. We had even dropped the charges so that you could come home.”

Phil cleared his throat to let them know that he was still in the room. “I’ll check on you in a little while.”

“Okay,” Dan agreed.

As Phil left the room, Adam followed and pulled him aside in the hallway.

“You’re the same doctor, aren’t you? The one that filed the domestic violence report for us.”

“Yes,” Phil nodded. “I recognized you both the moment I saw you.”

“So you must be as relieved as I am about this whole thing.”

“What do you mean?” Phil asked.

“Tony’s finally dead and Dan is free.”

Phil looked at Adam earnestly before he told him, “Dan’s still locked in his grasp. Ever since the night you brought him in, I’ve been reading about abusive relationships. Dan’s going to need help, psychologically. He’s going to be frightened of loud noises and voices. He’s going to seek to please. He’s prone to enter into another relationship like the one he just escaped.”

“We’ll keep an eye on him.”

“Get him into therapy, please. It’s just my professional opinion.”

Adam nodded and smiled. “I’m just happy he’s home.”

“I know,” Phil grinned, patting Adam on the back. “I know.”

——

The next couple of days passed slowly. Dan was feeling stronger with each day and Phil was able to see him without Adam and Angela hovering as they were prone to do. The two of them returned to work so they were only with Dan in the evenings. One morning, just as Phil turned off his on call beeper, he stepped into Dan’s room to find him walking without support.

“Please don’t fall,” Phil begged him playfully.

“I won’t.” Dan’s pout made him look incredibly cute.

“Don’t pout. You look like a toddler.”

“I am a man!” Dan retorted with laughter. “Help me get into bed?”

“Can’t I at least buy you dinner first?”

“Shut up, Dr. Lester.”

They both chuckled as Phil crossed the room to give Dan a hand.

“You can call me, Phil— if you like.”

Dan laid back in the hospital bed while Phil pulled up a chair.

“You know, I had named you Gary in my head.”

“What?”

“I didn’t know your first name… from the first time I was here. So, I gave you one. But, Phil is better.”

“Why did you need to give me a name?” Phil asked curiously. It was becoming obvious that Dan had been thinking about him all these years.

Dan played with fingers, tentative to answering. “Whenever he’d get mad, I would remember how nice you were.”

“Oh. Did you think about me a lot?”

Dan rolled his eyes and laughed quietly. “You would have liked that wouldn’t you?”

Phil sat back in his chair to avoid answering. “I thought about you too.”

“Yeah? Why? You aren’t related to me or anything.”

“I was your doctor and you left without saying goodbye.”

“Sorry. I’ll be sure to page you the next time my lover decides to kidnap me.”

“Tell me the truth, Dan… Do you believe that he loved you?”

Dan thoughtfully sighed. “I believe he didn’t know how to love or how to show it. They think I’m stupid— Mum and Adam— that Tony tricked me into thinking we were in love so he could beat me. I knew what he was doing. Tony had an anger problem and he couldn’t control it. As bad as it was, I could help him. I stopped him from losing control. It was fine until the night of the crash. It got out of hand.”

“Dan, you were sacrificing yourself so that he wouldn’t lose control?”

“You don’t understand.”

“Help me understand.”

“We met when I was in high school. He was my first everything. Tony was such loving person when he wasn’t angry. He was sick. He couldn’t help it. I never loved him. I just didn’t want him hurt himself or someone else.”

“Oh, Dan… You were his punching bag. You didn’t owe that to him. Please, listen to me. No one is allowed to use you that way.”

Dan only went silent and turned his attention to the television that was still muted. Phil hoped that his words would sink in.

“Look, I don’t want you to hate me.”

“I don’t hate you,” Dan exhaled noisily. “I just think you’re wrong.”

“That’s fair.” Sighing, Phil got up to go. Dan still looked upset with him.

“Stay if you want to.”

Phil said nothing but sat down again. He hadn’t wanted to leave in the first place.

—-

The morning that Dan was discharged, Phil was there to say goodbye. They both seemed much too solemn considering Dan was leaving hospital healthy and free of his abusive partner. Angela packed Dan’s bag and carried down to the car. Phil volunteered to wheel Dan down to the parking lot (as was hospital policy). In the lift going to down, Dan asked, “Are you going to miss me?”

“No, you were my worst patient.”

“Was not!” Dan protested.

“Well, I guess you weren’t so bad.”

Phil saw Angela driving up and quickly handed Dan his business card.

“You aren’t my patient anymore but if you ever wanted to meet up to chat or anything, you can call me.”

Dan inspected the card before smiling up at Phil, dimples poked in. “Thanks, Phil.”

“No problem.”

“Just so we’re clear, you are flirting with me, right?”

A light red blushed came across Phil’s face which made Angela laughed when she stepped out the car.

“Why have you gone all red?”

“No reason,” Dan quickly covered. “Ready?”

She helped him into the car because Dan was still weak on his own feet. Phil gave them both a small wave as they drove away.

——

Phil fixed his shirt for the millionth time as he approached the house at 23 Lily Lane, where the Howells lived. Nervously, he reached out for the doorbell and pressed. Soon, Angela appeared at the door.

“Dr. Lester? Do you make house calls?” she asked with a happy but slight confused expression.

“Oh. I’m not working tonight. I’ve come… I’m here to see Dan.”

Dan appeared just then, smiling apologetically. “Mum, I said a friend was coming round to hang out.”

“Oh!” she exclaimed surprised. “If that’s the case, I guess you better come in then, Dr. Lester.”

“Phil,” Phil corrected politely. “Please.”

She stepped back to allow him inside the modest home. It was small but cozy, fresh flowers sat on the windowsill and Phil could hear the hum of a washing machine. Angela wiped off her hands as she gently urged Phil into the lounge.

“Will you be staying for tea?”

Phil looked at Dan who smiled back at him and nodded. “Yes, I’d love to.”

“Oh, good! Dan, I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.”

Dan nodded, most of focus turned towards the television. She eventually made her way out of the room and they finally had privacy.

“She probably can’t wait to tell all her friends that she’s getting a doctor for a son-in-law.”

Phil snorted in response to Dan’s overt sarcasm.

“I’m not joking,” Dan laughed. “Ever since I came out, she’s been super supportive. It was almost as if she’d always known. Whenever I talked about a crush I had, she’d ask about their backgrounds, their parents, and how big their houses were…”

“She’s great though. You have to admit,” Phil added.

“Yeah. It could be so much worse. There are worse things than training your gay son to become a gold digger.”

“You’re awful. We aren’t even dating.”

“Yet, Philip. We aren’t dating yet.”

For some reason, Phil couldn’t come up with a retort. That was probably because he truly wish it was true. He liked Dan, a lot. Their conversations over the phone had proved that Dan liked the same things he did. He liked sleeping in, playing videos games for hours, and eating dry cereal. They both despised all forms of exercise. They even had the same obsessions which Dan teased him about relentlessly… that is until Dan accidently let it slip that he’d read one fanfiction that involved a kink that must not be named. Phil still won’t let him forget.

“Shut up, Daniel.”

“Make me, Philip.”

Phil shook his head despite the obvious invitation to kiss from a very flirty Dan. Dan was next to him on the sofa, looking up at him slightly and biting his lip absentmindedly.  Something was bother him about just how easy it was for Dan to get over the grief of his husband and return to a normal life. Phil decided a few days earlier that he couldn’t trust Dan’s judgment; even now three months later.

“You won’t be saying much when I beat you at Mario Kart.”

“You really should see someone about those delusions,” Dan countered before reaching forward to turn on the console. “You’re going down.”

Phil only smiled.

—

They were all sitting at the table when Dan announced that he’d heard from Tony’s family that very morning.

“What were they saying?” Angela asked cautiously.

“He had money in an account that his grandfather left him. It’s mine now since we got married in Ireland.”

“How much?”

Phil sat there silently watching how nonchalant Dan was about the whole thing.

“Quarter of million pounds.”

“Fucking hell,” the older woman blurted out before excusing herself. “Dan, you’re rich!”

Dan shook his head and said, “I’m not taking it. It belongs to his family.”

“You were his family! That money is yours.”

“I don’t want it.”

“Daniel, do you understand what this means? You can have your own home. You can go to Uni You can have things I never could give you.”

“I don’t want it.” Dan insisted again, standing his ground. Phil wondered why he was adamant against taking the money. Surely, this was some kind of blessing after everything Dan had gone through since he was a teenager.

“Dan,” Phil began. “Why don’t you keeping the money in your savings. You’ll never have to touch it. If one day, you have children or anything, you can give it to them.”

“Yes, listen to Phil!” Angela agreed. “He’s smart.”

Dan suddenly stood up angrily. “That money was to keep his mouth shut! Tony would have gotten the whole million if he’d lived. His grandparents paid him off so he wouldn’t tell. But he told me everything, I won’t take their dirty money.”

“Dan, honey, what are you trying to say?”

Dan didn’t bother to answer. He walked out of the kitchen quicker than Angela could say ‘come back.’ Angela and Phil looked lost as they stared at the half eaten supper in front of them.

“I’ll go talk to him.”

She smiled. “Okay. His room is on the right.”

Phil followed her directions and knocked on the white door. He heard sniffling but there was no answer. Turning the knob, he stepped inside and saw Dan curled up on the single bed in the brown colored room. He approached softly, careful not to step on Dan’s things as he did so. Sitting down on the bed, Phil reached for Dan’s hand and the other man did not pull away.

“So, is that why you let him hurt you?”

Dan gave no response.

“Was Tony abused by his grandparents?” Phil asked, figuring more up-front questions would be better.

“No,” Dan said, shaking his head against the duvet. “Not them.”

“Who then?”

“His older sister, Victoria.”

“What did he tell you?”

Dan groaned but went on. “When he was little, his parents died so him and his sister were sent to live with their grandparents. She was a lot older than him. When she was fifteen and he was four, she… She did things to him, like little sexual experiments. They hurt him so much. She didn’t stop until he was eleven. By then, the damage was done.”

“What did his grandparents do?”

“When Tony told them, they decided to hide it. His family didn’t want it to get into the papers that their boy was being molested by a woman. They promised him that money to keep him quiet.”

“So where is she now?”

“Tony said she was professor now, teaching math. She was a genius, you know… Tony said that’s why they loved her more.”

Phil sighed and inched closer to Dan. “Tony never really had a chance.”

“Yeah. We both knew that.”

They remained silent for a bit. Now that Phil saw their relationship more clearly, he could see why Dan moved on so easily. Tony had trapped him into the relationship and Dan didn’t have the heart to retaliate. The man had never known power and strength until he took out his frustrations on Dan, who just happened to be the sweetest person a guy could meet. Dan was finally released from his emotional cage and Phil could figuratively see him walking free of guilty.

Phil moved to lay down next to Dan with their hands still clasped together. After a while, he spoke up and told Dan, “You know, if you don’t take the money, when his grandparents die, it’ll go to his sister, his abuser.”

Dan turned his head to face Phil’s. “Damn.”

“Yeah.”

“This will make my mum happy.”

“She only wants the best for you.”

“How much did she pay you to say that?”

“Nothing,” Phil laughed lightly. “She loves you a lot. I can tell.”

“I just want nothing to do with those people… I mean what if Victoria comes back and says the money is really hers.”

“She has to know why it was given to her brother in the first place. She probably doesn’t want everyone to know she’s a child molester.”

“That’s good point. Phil, I wonder if I could go to the police with what Tony told me. God knows who else she’s abused.”

Phil exhaled deeply. “You have no evidence, do you?” Dan shook his head.

“Only what Tony told me.”

“I don’t think there’s anything you can do.”

“Okay.”

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” Dan smiled weakly and moved closer to Phil on his tiny bed. “Thanks.”

—

“Why haven’t you kissed me yet?”

Phil kept his eyes on the road for safety, but mainly to avoid Dan’s question. They were on their way to the Cinema. It was a little date. Dan said it was. Phil just laughed.

“Am I not pretty enough?”

“You’re plenty pretty…”

“Did Adam scare you? I know how he is when it comes to protecting me. I feel sorry for his future kids–”

“It isn’t Adam.”

“Then what is it?”

Pulling into the parking garage, Phil maintained his avoidance.

“Phil… Is it something that I did? I mean I thought we were doing really well. I’m better now–“

“I’m afraid, Dan.”

“Of what?”

“To go any further with this relationship.”

Dan appeared hurt and confused. “Are you afraid of me?”

“No. I’m afraid of what might happen later on.”

“Like what? What is it?”

“I can’t tell you. Really, I just can’t.”

“Well, I guess we can’t be friends! I don’t keep anything from you! I can’t believe you’d treat me this way. I thought we were more, you know.”

“I… I…” Phil stuttered, hands frozen on the wheel. Dan continued yelling, ranting about finally finding someone he could trust and possibly even love. Phil had never thought about loving him. “Dan, I’m sick. I’m really sick. I have AIDS.”

 

\---

“It was a bad idea.”

Dan insisted that they go back to Phil’s place, which was a flat he was renting from a family member. They were both sat in the kitchen. Dan poured some coffee and Phil avoided his eyes.

“What was?” Dan asked quietly.

“Going out that night,“ he explained. "I had been dumped by my boyfriend… and I needed to get pissed. I just needed to feel anything other than worthless. Next thing I know, I’m in some guy’s flat and we’re fucking. He told me he was clean, I swear he did. Anyway, the next morning I grabbed my clothes and left. I never saw him again.”

Dan kept silent, thinking of what to say next. “When did you find out?”

“I had to take a blood test for insurance or something for Uni about six months later. I don’t remember the details but they call me one day because something didn’t seem right. They tested me again but I already knew. It’s like something kept saying I had it. That isn’t the worst of it.”

“Hmm?” Dan took a seat and pushed the coffee closer to Phil for him to drink.

“I’ve had HIV for more than a decade and the drugs were okay for a few years but I just kept getting sicker, feeling weaker. The strain I have is resistant to the medication.

"Dan, I can’t work anymore. I put in my resignation last week. I can’t be at the hospital anymore, not with full-blown AIDS.”

“If you can’t work, who is going to take care of you?”

“I’ll be okay for a few months but I plan to move back home.” Phil weakly smiled, taking a sip of the beverage. “Mum misses me.”

“Let me take care of you,” Dan suggested softly.

“No.”

“You did so much for me. Let me do this, Phil. Please?”

—- One Year Later —-

Dan held on the leash with his right hand and supported Phil with his left. It was spring again so they were off to the closest park to let their dog run free for a bit. Phil was feeling a little stronger so he opted to join Dan today.

Although, the weather was rather warm, Dan insisted that Phil remain covered up and the doctor did not refuse his boyfriend’s orders. Scarf around his neck, Phil felt safe from the chilly breeze that hit his entire body like a tail wind. He’d lost so much weight that didn’t even look like himself. Dan maintained that he was still his strong lion, the nickname stemming from Phil’s childhood obsession.

As they approached a bench, Dan helped Phil sit down comfortable before joining him. When they were all settled, Dan released the leash to let Holly run around on her own. They got her when Dan’s therapist suggested having something to love and care for was good for both of them. She was something that belonged to the two of them and they treated her like a child, happy to spoil her rotten.

“Hey, Dan?” Phil started, staring out at the wide open field before them.

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? Sorry for what?”

“That I’m leaving you here… It’s my fault I have this damn disease—“

“Stop it. Stop it this instant. It will never be your fault and I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“Fine. What do you want to talk about then?”

“Well… I was thinking if we should keep our names after the wedding.”

Phil rose his head to look at Dan and shook his head. “We aren’t getting married.”

“Not with that attitude,” Dan laughed.

“I demand a better proposal than that—,” A series of coughs interrupted him but Phil got his message across. Dan got up off the bench and went down on one knee, pulling out a small black box.

“You really meant it…” said Phil in awe.

“Ever since that day in the hospital when you stayed with me even though I treated you so badly, I knew you a good guy. Now, I haven’t had that much luck with love or even relationships and you have no idea how thankful I am that I met you. There are nights when we’re lying in bed and I just look at you and smile because you’re right there next to me.

“I want you to know that I love you, for better, for worse, in sickness and in health. Phil Lester, will you marry me?”

Phil’s heart had stopped throughout that whole speech. He couldn’t believe it. Someone actually wanted to marry him. After getting his diagnosis, he had honestly given up. Although he had known better, Phil was not optimistic. Who would date, much less marry, a man with  _the virus_?

Dan would. Dan Howell, with the beautiful face and even more beautiful heart, wanted to marry him, Phil Lester.

“Yes, I will.” Phil finally answered and Dan gently slid the ring on his finger. Dan kissed his cheek and pulled Phil into a strong embrace. They sat there on the bench laughing and talking about their plans. Holly eventually returned to them as she always did and they walked home together, happily making wedding plans.

—-

Sometimes his dreams were filled with shouting. Something they were filled with taunts and scare tactics, faces of his father, uncles and cousins spewing the hate. Phil’s dreams took him backwards, to when he was still young, fifteen, and trapped. On the nights when he had these dreams, Phil would scream out, waking Dan.

“You can’t keep hiding it from me. You’re my fiancé and I need to help you.”

“You can’t help,” Phil breathed heavily.

“If I had nightmares and kept them a secret from you, how would you feel?” Dan asked softly, shifting in bed to bring Phil closer to him under their duvet.

“Fine,” Phil relented, knowing that Dan was right. Phil wouldn’t stand for secrets. “You know that I grew up with my dad, yeah? My parents divorced and he had me most of the time because Mum traveled for work and it didn’t make sense to live with her anyway.

“Everything was normal when I was little. As I got older, it became more obvious that I like guys instead of girls and when I asked one of my cousins to keep my secret, he betrayed me to the whole family. They crowded around me…”

“What did they do, love?”

“They tried to… straighten me out. I managed to run away and called my mum. She came for me that same night.”

“So your dreams are of that night?”

Phil nodded, clutching Dan’s t-shirt the best he could in his weakened state.

“Phil, you are the strongest person I have ever met.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Your own family attacked you and you still managed to find help and get away. You finished Uni and became a doctor even though you were diagnosed with a very scary disease. Some many people would have given up but you didn’t.”

“But I can’t stop crying about these nightmares like a baby.”

“Did you listen to anything I just said? You’ve been so strong for so long. You’re allowed to cry, Phil.”

“I want them to leave me alone. There’s nothing wrong with what I am,” Phil whimpered, getting impossibly closer to Dan and burying his head in Dan’s chest.

“They’re gone. No one is here but me and you. I’ll protect you the best I can.”

They laid together like that until Phil finally fell into a dreamless sleep.

—-

“Do you Philip Lester take Daniel Howell to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do.”

“Do you Daniel Howell take Philip to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do.”

“Then, by the powers vested in me, I know pronounce you husbands. You may now seal your union with a kiss.”

Dan bent down to kiss Phil firmly on the lips. Phil reached up to him from his wheelchair, putting his hand on Dan’s cheek as they kissed. With their respective family members in attendance at the small affair, Dan and Phil shared their happy occasion. Phil seemed to be getting weaker by the day but the sickness would not stop him from enjoying his wedding, his family or his husband.

At the small reception back at their house, a friend put on one of their favorite songs. With Dan’s help, Phil was able to gather enough strength to stand in his husband’s arms. They swayed together until the song ended, until the next few songs played and until someone reminded them to cut the cake. It was in those moments that the world seemed to fade away. There were no more nightmares or illness, no more reminders of the past, and no more feeling helpless. It was in those moments they were time and space, light and sound; two beings that simply did not have an ending, destined to be entwined with each other forever.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr  
> [danni-howell](https://danni-howell.tumblr.com/)


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